Catholic Marriage Q&A

For more information, email Elizabeth Reha, director of family life, or call her at (501) 664-0340, ext. 373. | Español

1.) What is Marriage?

A. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong union and covenant between a man and a woman who mutually consent to give themselves to each other totally and exclusively in a partnership that is indissoluble and ordered both to their well-being and to the procreation and education of children. Marriage is not merely an abstract ideal but a concrete reality, “the measure of true love between a man and a woman: a love that is total, faithful and fruitful.” (Pope Leo XIV, "Jubilee for Families, Children, Grandparents and the Elderly," 2025)

If they are both baptized, the marital union is also a sacrament. What does that mean? That Christian marriage is a means of growing in holiness. The sacrament of holy matrimony “gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church ..." It "perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1661).

"The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of a commitment," explained Pope Francis in 2016. It is a gift given for the "salvation of the spouses, since 'their mutual belonging is a real representation, through the sacramental sign, of the same relationship between Christ and the Church. The married couple are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the cross; they are for one another and for their children witnesses of the salvation in which they share through the sacrament.'" ("Amoris Laetitia," no. 72).

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2.) How Do You Get Married in the Catholic Church?

A. The Church recognizes the struggle of living a Christian marriage in a secular world, and wants to give you ample time and tools to reflect on the important issues of marriage and the pitfalls some married couples experience. In the Diocese of Little Rock, couples begin the process by meeting with their pastor at least six months before the anticipated wedding date. You will also be asked to complete the Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study (FOCCUS) questionnaire, participate in an educational class or program, (Pre-Cana or Sponsor Couple) and take a full course of Natural Family Planning in preparation for marriage.

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3.) What’s Wrong with Cohabitation Before Marriage?

A. Cohabitation means living together in a sexual relationship when not married. The Church teaches that the sexual act is reserved exclusively to the marriage covenant. Living together outside of marriage jeopardizes the sanctity of marriage and is contrary to Church teaching. Substantial studies have shown that couples who cohabitate, whether engaged or not, tend to be less committed to their relationship with each other and are less likely to marry. Couples marrying after cohabitating have a higher divorce rate than those who do not. To learn more, visit For Your Marriage.

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4.) What Does the Church Teach About Birth Control?

A. Responsible parenthood calls for couples to be open to life, generous and self-sacrificing. The Church gives guidance to couples by offering Natural Family Planning as a healthy, morally acceptable, alternative to artificial contraceptives as they prayerfully consider their calling to parenthood. To learn more, visit For Your Marriage.

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5.) Are Catholics Expected to Raise their Children Catholic?

A. In all marriages between two Catholics, the Church expects the couple to practice their faith and raise their children in the Catholic faith. In the case of a Catholic party marrying a non-Catholic, the Church asks the Catholic party to sign the following declaration and promise: “I reaffirm my faith in Jesus Christ, and with God’s help, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church. I promise to do all in my power to share the faith I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics.”

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6.) Should Our Wedding Have a Mass or Not?

A. Church law requires a wedding between two Catholics to be celebrated within a Mass. A wedding between a Catholic and non-Catholic may also be celebrated during Mass; however, sensitivity should be given to an inter-church wedding. The Catholic Church does not offer open Communion; therefore, interdenominational or interfaith couples may choose to give more attention to a scriptural ceremony outside of Mass. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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7.) Are We Required to Get Married in a Church?

A. Church law specifies that in marriage between two Catholics the wedding must be celebrated in a Catholic church. Occasionally, in a marriage in which only one party is Catholic, a dispensation may be granted allowing the wedding to take place in the non-Catholic party’s church because of his or her connection to that church. The diocese does not grant permission for weddings to take place in nondenominational chapels, outdoors or in secular settings. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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8.) May a Priest Officiate at a Wedding in Another Denomination’s Church?

A. Yes, a priest may officiate in the church of another faith denomination as long as one of the parties is Catholic and both have completed the Church’s requirements regarding marriage preparation. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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9.) Can We Write our Own Vows for the Marriage Ceremony?

A. No, the Church’s ritual specifies the words to be used in the exchange of vows. The basic structure of the marriage rite includes three questions of intention, exchanging of wedding vows and exchanging of wedding rings. Although commonly called “vows,” it is more appropriate to say “declaration and reception of consent.” There are two approved forms of consent that may be used in the rite. Following the consent and blessings and exchanging of rings, it would be appropriate for the couple to recite a personal prayer to one another. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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10.) Can We Have Readings from a Poem, Letter or Favorite Story at Our Wedding?

A. The Church provides a rich resource of Scripture readings, prayers, vows, blessings and other alternatives that a couple may select for the wedding ceremony. When the marriage rite is celebrated inside Mass, the flow of the liturgy designates the required readings. When the marriage rite is outside of Mass, the epistle and Gospel should be included. If you have other readings, poems, letters or stories you would like to use in the ceremony, discuss the matter with the priest. He may be able to include them in his homily or he may approve their use after the Communion prayer (if there is a Mass) and before the final blessing. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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11.) Are there Guidelines for Music at Our Wedding?

A. Yes, only sacred music may be used during this solemn and sacred event. Some parishes have specific guidelines. If some of your favorite music is questionable, think about using it at the wedding reception. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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12.) May we Light a Unity Candle or Place Flowers in Front of Mary During the Ceremony?

A. Although neither of these are a part of the ritual for weddings, it has become a Catholic tradition to place flowers in front of a statue of Mary and some couples want to include the unity candle in their ceremony. A clear understanding of the meaning of adding these traditions to your wedding needs to be reflected upon before you add them to your ceremony.

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13.) Should We Have a Liturgy Program for our Wedding?

A. Some couples find a two-page program beneficial. Also, the program may encourage the guests to participate more fully in your ceremony. A wedding program may list the order of the ceremony (i.e., songs, Scriptures, responses, etc.).

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14.) Is Videotaping the Wedding Permitted?

A. The wedding is primarily a religious ceremony, an act of worship. Professional photographers and videographers are welcome in most churches, but they have a restricted role and place. They should clearly understand where and when they are allowed to take pictures so that they do not detract from the central focus of the liturgy.

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15.) Should we Have a Budget for our Wedding?

A. It is highly recommended that couples create a budget for their wedding and stick to it. Working within a budget can prevent debt for years to come. It can be very stressful and frustrating to be paying for your wedding one to five years down the road. Be realistic. Focus on the essential elements of the wedding ceremony. To learn more, visit the Getting Married Guide.

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